Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
