that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
