Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
