Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Welp...herpes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
