youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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