oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
