I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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