with your own penis?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
