Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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