i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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