My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
