I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
