Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
