A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
