just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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