I will die if light touches me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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