Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
