You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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