She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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