put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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