i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
