I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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