Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
