Soap is not a condiment
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
