my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
