I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
