If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
