this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
