you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
