he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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