To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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