Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
