He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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