My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
