my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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