she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
