He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
