You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Soap is not a condiment
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
