Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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