Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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