Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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