Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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