Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
