He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
