what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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