Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
