no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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