omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
