you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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