Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
