your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
