FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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