You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What a dumb baby whore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
