Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
