Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
