I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
